Disenchanted Read online

  I didn’t move. I stood absolutely still, and that was answer enough for him. Marco kissed me.

  Shit.

  Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!

  His mouth was so perfect. So lush and warm. He tasted better than fine Italian wine, or chocolate. He was warm apple cider on a cool fall day, or a scoop of my favorite ice cream on a sweltering summer afternoon. His kiss was sex on a stick. Like, literally, on a stick, and I wanted to taste him over and over.

  I had never been kissed like that before. Ever. I had never been kissed as if his soul depended on mine to be replenished, to be fulfilled, to not starve. I had never felt revered or cherished. Not once. Not until this kiss.

  When it stopped, I was dizzy. He’d kissed me silly, literally. I felt myself slipping, then I heard his soft chuckle as he caught me in his arms and held me up, held me against him. The blanket was on the deck floor; I could feel it there in a heap around my ankles, but I no longer felt cold.

  “Open your eyes, Lydia,” he whispered against my lips.

  I did, and peered right into his dazzling blue eyes.

  “Hello.” He laughed quietly.

  “Hi.” I took a breath, the first breath I think I’d had in a while.

  “Welcome back.”

  “Oh, fuck.” I gasped and let my forehead fall forward onto his chest.

  He kissed the top of my head as his hand eased up and down my back. “I hope I was better than Ethan Colt.”

  I came to my senses. Fully, but…I didn’t have words. No words. It took everything in me to stay on my feet, to breathe. My heart whomp-whomp-whomped in my chest so hard and so fast it ached. Even as my lips still burned from our kiss, my throat began to close up, seal off my air and make tears well in my eyes. With a deep, ragged breath, I pushed out of Marco’s arms. My feet tangled up in the blanket, though, and I fell back on my ass despite his efforts to save me.

  Marco knelt before me, his face pinched with worry. “Tesoro?”

  I held out a hand, palm out, when he reached for me, the international sign for “stop” and “back the fuck up.” I kept my head turned to the side, unable to meet his eyes, and unwilling for him to see the distress on my face.

  “Tesoro?”

  I swallowed hard as I wrapped both my hands around the wooden slats of the railing and rested my head against one. My words came out in a strangled rasp. “What does that mean? Tesoro?”

  There was a heavy pause before he answered. “Uh, honey, or darling. Sometimes sweetheart, depending on how it is said.”

  “How do you mean to say it?”

  “In all of those ways. Lydia, let me help you up.”

  I stared straight ahead, but not seeing the lake and the grounds. “Don’t call me that again. I don’t want you to.”

  Another pause, and then, “Okay. I am going to help you up now.”

  I shook my head. “I can do it myself.”

  His sigh was heavy but resigned, and he backed off. I knew as I struggled to pull myself up that Marco watched me very carefully. I felt his eyes on me, burning me. I was too much in my other emotions to feel embarrassed for my lame leg, but it didn’t take long for me to find my feet again.

  I made my way to the guest bedroom while averting my gaze from Marco. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. Right before I stepped in, however, I stopped and made eye contact with his chest.

  “My answer is no.”

  He shuffled forward a couple steps. “Your answer to what?”

  My fingers curled on the doorframe. “I won’t let you catch me.”

  “Lydia—”

  I went inside without letting him finish his response.

  Chapter Eleven

  Marco

  Lydia Whitman was the first person I saw when I stepped onto the airplane. Outwardly, I was a charismatic guide, introducing myself and Tagher and doing my best to put my friend’s family at ease. Inwardly, I struggled not to stare at her, not to gawk. She tried to hide herself behind her family, just as she tried to hide herself under those clothes a couple sizes too big for her, and the baseball cap pulled low over her face, but I saw her, even though she tried not to be seen. I saw those lush pink lips, the smooth, lightly freckled skin, and those storm-cloud gray eyes as they peeked from under the rim of the cap. Lydia was impossible to miss.

  I sighed as I rolled onto my back again. I barely slept. I spent more time staring at the ceiling and reliving the first time I’d seen Lydia in person only a few days ago, and every moment I’ve spent with her since, especially that kiss and Lydia’s subsequent meltdown. I’d known I was moving too quickly, but I seemed to lack any control or sense when it came to her. In her presence, I found myself speaking and doing without consideration. I was like an unexperienced, awkward teenager all over again when it came to her. She had power over me and didn’t even know it. She had the power to bring me to my knees. That fact both pained and excited me.

  Despite the unexpected path we stumbled onto last night, I had no intentions of giving up on her. I would have to adjust my approach, but I would not retreat. It was clear she was terrified, and I respected the fact that she may have still been a grieving widow, but there was something deeper there I could not yet see. My gut told me her marriage wasn’t all it appeared from the outside, that she’d had difficult times long before the accident that ultimately took her husband’s life. Eventually, I wanted to know all of it, but I had to be very careful how I obtained those details from her so that I would not make her shut down completely.

  When the darkness behind the curtains began to shift and lighten, I knew I would get no more sleep. I got up and went back to the deck to watch the sunrise. A mist drifted off the lake, and there in the yard in the pale light were about half a dozen deer. I saw them all the time when at the cabin, and I was left in awe each time.

  The sound of a door sliding open behind me took my attention away from the grazing animals. I turned and found Lydia, her bottom lip between her teeth as she hesitantly stepped out of her room with a blanket draped over her shoulders. She was another creature that left me in awe every time I laid my eyes on her.

  It was more than her unusual beauty that captured me. It was also her bad attitude, her saucy mouth, and her ability to get under my skin, something no other woman has ever been able to do. From the start, Lydia frustrated and infuriated me, but…she also excited me and left me hanging on to every word as I wondered what smartass thing she would say next. She had tenacity and strengths she wasn’t aware of having. She was the best of mothers—loving, protective, and nurturing—and always able to generate a smile for her children. I had always considered myself a good man, but when I was in this woman’s company, I wanted to be a better man.

  The truth of the matter was, my feelings for Lydia were probably premature, but that did not make them any less real. I knew, even as she came to stand beside me, that I was possibly setting myself up for a situation that could turn disastrous, but I did not care. She was a risk I was willing to take.

  Lydia gasped softly when she saw the deer in the yard. I put my arm around her and drew her close. She came to me easily without resistance and snuggled closer, making my heart dance.

  I spoke in a low whisper, so not to frighten the animals in the yard, or the woman at my side. “They are here every morning. That one there”—I pointed to one of the smaller ones—“that’s Marsha. There’s Greg. Cindy. Jan.”

  Lydia covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. “You named them? After The Brady Bunch kids?”

  “Yes. They are perfect names. What would you have named them?”

  “Hmm. Well…that one there, the goofy-looking one, I would’ve named him Oswald. And that one looks like a Frank.”

  I pointed to another. “And her? What would you name her?”

  “She’s definitely a Pauline.”

  I pretended to consider her choices. “Hmm. Your names suck. Remind me to never let you name any pets.”

  She lightly smacked my chest. I caught her
hand in mine and held it there as she tried pretending to be indignant.

  “I am an amazing pet namer. I once had a cat named Cat.”

  I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb and pretended not to notice how her body and voice trembled. “Brilliant. If you had a dog, you’d probably name it Dog.”

  “No, I would name it Sawyer.”

  “Why Sawyer?”

  “Why not?” she said defensively.

  I stared at her for a long moment, desperate to kiss her again, but I knew I shouldn’t. “You are so strange.”

  “Just because my pet names rock and yours don’t, doesn’t mean you have to insult me.”

  I didn’t bother to cover my mouth to muffle my laughter, and although it wasn’t loud, the animals on the lawn were spooked nonetheless and bounded off into the woods.

  “See what you’ve done. You’ve scared away Oswald, Frank, and Pauline.” Lydia seemed genuinely disappointed by their departure, but I suspected it was because without the deer, there would be no further distractions.

  “They will be back tomorrow.”

  We stood in silence for long minutes and watched the new day grow lighter as the mist began to dissipate. She let me hold her, but her body was stiff, as if she were prepared to push me away at any second.

  I made myself sound resigned when I broke the silence, as if I were giving in to something. “Okay. Since you are chicken and refuse to accept defeat and admit you are falling in love with me, I will make some concessions.”

  Her scowl was instantaneous. “I am not falling—”

  I spoke over her, cutting off her words. “I will not kiss you again, not until you have kissed me first.”

  Lydia bristled and tried to snatch her hand away from me, but I held fast to it. “You will be waiting until a cold day in hell comes along, Marco Mangini.”

  I spoke loudly as if she hadn’t spoken. “And I will not allow you to seduce me and distract me with sex.”

  Her claws were beginning to come out. That fierceness I liked so much about her flashed in those beautiful eyes. “You are delusional if you think—”

  “And I accept your request for courtship.”

  Lydia’s mouth fell open. “First of all, who says ‘courtship’ in terms of dating anymore, and secondly, I never asked you—”

  Again, I cut her off as if she hadn’t been speaking. It made her all fiery and I loved it. “I have to go back to New York later today. Tomorrow is the grand opening for your sister’s diner, and after that, I will be too busy with work to go out, but as you wish. We will have our first date after that.”

  I guess I got her a little too fiery. She shoved me away and punched my arm. It didn’t hurt, but admittedly, it was a good punch from such a little thing.

  The blanket had slipped off her shoulders, leaving her in only her shirt and panties like last night. I tried to keep my eyes above her neck as she put her hands on her hips, eyes blazing.

  “There is so much to say to all of that bullshit, but the biggest, most obvious flaw in your stupid plan is that I live in Ohio. You live in New York or Philly or this place.” She waved wildly at the house. “I am going home in forty-eight hours. Sorry to burst your little pipe dream.”

  I moved into her personal space again, even as she tried to back away, and pulled her into my arms. Her resistance lasted all of five seconds.

  “I am but a plane ride away. I can reach you in less than three hours, regardless which airport I leave from.”

  Her response was quiet and tentative. “That’s a lot of money, Marco.”

  I shrugged and grinned down at her. “I happen to have a lot of money.”

  One of her brows arched. “You do realize that you are acting like the crazy person I always thought you were? Next thing I know, you’ll be hitting me over the head and taking me to that hole in the ground out in the woods. And by the way, don’t hold your breath. I won’t be kissing you anytime soon. And I’m not in love with you. And I don’t want to date you. You’re crazy.”

  “By the way,” I added conversationally, as if she hadn’t just shot down everything I’d said. “I do not put out on the first date.”

  Lydia sighed noisily and dropped her head into her hands.

  Chapter Twelve

  Lydia

  Three days later, I was back in Ohio, back in my house with my kids and my mom. Leaving Lily had been hard, but at the same time, an unexpected relief. For the most part, we’d fallen back to our old ways, acted the way we did a long time ago—before Gavin came between us, before he and Lily lost their baby girl, Anna—but it was hard to be with her, too.

  It was best that I’d left Philly when I did. Even though Lily and I had made up after our little spats, there was still some tension between us when I got back from the cabin. She neither needed nor deserved any of it.

  I couldn’t forget what I’d done to her. I couldn’t forget what I’d done to Gavin, or to myself. There was no doubt in my mind or anyone else’s that I was at fault for the destruction of our relationship. I’d betrayed her in the worst possible way one could betray their sister. I knew all that. The knowledge was with me every second of every day, but for reasons I wasn’t ready to explore, I also resented Lily. I know. I know how horrible that is, what kind of person it made people think I was, and they were probably right, but that resentment…it was just as much my truth as my guilt.

  After the kids were in bed, I went into the family room to clean up. It was amazing how quickly a few little people could destroy a room, not just with toys, but random objects from around the house. Socks, shoes, a kitchen pot, and the cardboard from a used roll of paper towels.

  My mom sat on the couch with a book in one hand and glass of wine in the other. “You should really start making them clean up after themselves.”

  “You should really ease up on the wine. You have a bad heart.”

  She peered at me over the rim of her glasses, her mouth in a flat line across her face. I could feel the annoyance radiating from her, but she said nothing and sipped on her red wine with a long, loud slurp.

  I rolled my eyes. Loved my mom, but sometimes she really irritated me.

  “You never told me how your day with Marco went,” she said a few minutes later.

  “I did. I told you it was fine.”

  Her brow lifted. “Would it kill you to give up some details?”

  I shrugged. “It might.”

  “Lydia.”

  “What do you want me to say, Mom? It was fine. The kids had a great time.”

  She was skeptical. “Just fine? Is that it?”

  “Yes. Just fine. Sorry to disappoint you. I don’t know what you were expecting.”

  “But you two are attracted to each other.”

  I stopped what I was doing and looked at her. “What are you talking about? How can you even make that assumption?”

  I wasn’t about to tell her how right her assumption was. No one knew about the kiss Marco and I had shared on his balcony, and I had no plans of discussing it. The more I thought about it, the less I made of it. It didn’t mean anything. He’s probably kissed hundreds of women, and I wasn’t going to hold my breath for his phone calls. It didn’t matter that I thought about him almost every hour of the day, or that I bit down on my bottom lip every time I thought about the kiss.

  “I’m your mom, and I know you better than anyone.”

  “Well, you’re wrong. Listen, I want to talk to you about something else.”

  She sighed, put her book down, and gestured for me to go on.

  “I was thinking…maybe I should find a job. Kyle paid all the bills up to date and gave us all those gift cards, and he pays for Maureen, but I think I’ve leaned on that aid too much.”

  In fact, I felt ashamed for accepting it all. Not that I’d had a choice, though, since he’d done his good deeds on the down-low.

  “I understand where you’re coming from, but are you ready for that? Maybe you should talk to the orthopedic first.
When was the last time you saw him?”

  “It’s been a little while,” I hedged. “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to take care of us on my own. Eventually, the statements for the utilities are going to actually have an amount due for the month, and the gift cards are going to run out. There will come a time when I will have to put out money for our food and the kids’ clothes. There’s going to come a time when there will be no free-to-me nanny services. It would be irresponsible and ungracious of me to continue to rely on his assistance. Besides, they have their own kid coming, and I doubt that Kyle has a bottomless well of money. I’m also betting the diner cost him more than I can fathom, and Lily told me he quit his job.”

  Mom frowned and bit her bottom lip. That was her worried face.

  “I understand, Lyd, but I’m just not sure you’re ready to go back to work—physically, mentally, or emotionally.”

  My ire shot up like a shaken can of soda. I reined it in before I opened my big mouth, though, and spoke with clipped words as I slammed toys into toy baskets. “People work in worse physical conditions, Mom, and if you have something to say about my mental and emotional state, just say it.”

  “Really? You have to tell me to say it as if you don’t know, as if you’re bitter reaction isn’t a sign of your mental and emotional state? You didn’t used to be like this.”

  “No, Mom, I didn’t used to be like this, but shit happened. I changed. It doesn’t mean I’m incapable of holding a job.”

  “I didn’t say you were incapable. I just think you should really think about what all that entails and make sure you’re ready first.”

  Giving up on the toys, I threw the last one into the basket so hard that it bounced back out. “I wasn’t asking for your permission. I was just trying to tell you what my plans are, but clearly, you’re not on board.”

  Her hands went up. “I didn’t say I wasn’t on board.”

  “No, you’re just saying I’m a crippled nut-job.”

  She got to her feet and snatched her book. “I never said you were crippled, but you sure as hell are acting like a nut-job right now.”