Accidentally on Purpose Page 14

  "You're definitely wound up," he said, rubbing my arm lightly. "You haven't been yourself for weeks."

  I almost laughed in his face. Myself? I haven't been myself in almost a year, unless this is myself, a woman who is in love with and sneaking around with another woman's man, while carrying on a relationship with another man. Well, at least the last part is over.

  I downed another drink. I didn't want to think about Luke. Sure, he was pretty harsh, and I did feel hurt by how it ended, but I deserved it. The guilt I felt for hurting him was weighing me down, killing me.

  Kyle reached out and stroked my hair, which was mildly comforting.

  "When do I get my girl back?" He asked softly.

  "Which girl is that?"

  "The one who wore SpongeBob underwear and shined on the dance floor at the gala."

  I looked at him curiously. "Shined?"

  "Yeah, you were radiant. Me and a hundred other men couldn't take our eyes off of you. Don't tell me you didn't notice?"

  "I didn't. What else do you love about me?"

  "Everything, Em. Everything." He leaned over and kissed me softly, but with so much power behind it, my toes curled in my flip-flops.

  "Specifically, what do you love about me?" I asked a few minutes later.

  "I love that you're too humble to notice that you were the center of every man's attention at the gala and my parents' party, and every woman's envy."

  "You're exaggerating," I shook my head.

  "I wish I were."

  "Doesn't that just make me self-absorbed?"

  "Not at all. You didn't act like you were too good or below anyone. You never do, and I love that about you."

  "Hmm. Okay, what else?"

  "Hmm. I love your lips," he leaned in and kissed me again. "I love your tongue," this time with a lot of tongue. "I love your eyes and how I feel when they're looking at me." He quickly kissed each eye.

  "What else?" I gently pressed.

  "I love this spot on your neck," his lips were quickly on my neck. I sighed softly. After a few more seconds, I was feeling rather hot, and it had nothing to do with the weather. I pushed him away, but not entirely. We were both on the edge of our seats, my legs between his, his hands on my upper thighs, my hands laced behind his neck.

  "It's hard to really break down into words what I love about you," he said softly. "But I know that I love the way you make me feel. You make me feel like I am more than someone's business venture, more than a trophy to drag around. You make me feel like...I don't know. Like a real man, I guess, or that I can be a real man anyway."

  "You are a real man," I insisted.

  "No real man would do to you what I've done to you," he whispered. "A real man wouldn't do anything that could potentially hurt you. I manage to hurt you every day, every minute. I can see it in your eyes, Em."

  I couldn't deny it, but at the same time, I didn't like that he was feeling so bad about himself. I opened my mouth to speak, but he started before me.

  "If I were a real man, a good man, I would have let you go the second I knew you really loved Luke. He was good to you and he really loved you, and..."

  I cut him off, with a finger to his lips. I didn't expect Luke to be brought up, especially like this.

  "I don't want to talk about Luke," I whispered. I still felt like that topic was an open wound, highly sensitive and easily infected.

  He took my hand, kissed it, and apologized, but he still looked like he was beating himself up inside. I ran my fingers through his hair, calming him.

  "You always make me feel better," he said, staring at me. "Even when I don't deserve it."

  "You almost always don't deserve it," I chuckled, fluffing his hair.

  "Let's get out of here," he said and threw some money on the bar.

  "You want to know something else I love about you?" Kyle asked a half hour later in our hotel room. We were on the bed, kissing.

  "What?" I panted.

  Instead of answering with his words, he reached into my jeans and answered with his fingers, making me moan.

  "Mmm, I love hearing you moan, too." He grinned and then covered my mouth with his as I moaned even more.

  As my moans grew louder and I was on the verge of screaming, he said "And I love hearing you scream."

  He pulled my pants and panties off and practically ripped my shirt and bra off.

  "And I love this," he said before burying his face between my legs. My eyes rolled back in my head as I gripped his hair.

  Later, spent, exhausted, laying in Kyle's strong arms, I maybe should have or could have felt a sense of security, but I didn't. I only had another day and a half with Kyle before I had to resume sharing him with Jessyca again. There was nothing secure about that.

  The next day I just tried to enjoy the beach and sun and Kyle's company. Sometimes I was able to forget our circumstances, but whenever we spoke about home, or anything related to home and work, it was a reminder of what else - or whom else was waiting there. Plus, twice a day Jess and Kyle would check in with one another. I didn't ask Kyle to get out of the arrangement, I felt that I shouldn't have to ask. Isn't it obvious that it's like salt on an open wound?

  "Are you okay?" He asked Saturday night. We were getting ready to go meet the old acquaintance I told Kyle about earlier in the week. He owned a restaurant not far from our hotel.

  "Yeah," I turned away, pretending to look for something in my bag so that he couldn't see my face.

  "You're still not yourself. Maybe we should stay in tonight."

  "I'm fine," I turned to face him. "I'm fine and Leo is expecting us. Okay?"

  He didn't look convinced, but said "Okay."

  "Okay," I breathed.

  Leo dated my cousin Tabitha's best friend throughout high school. I only hung out with him a few times, and okay, I made out with him a few times, too, but not when he was with the other girl (they were always breaking up). I'm not a chronic boyfriend thief. I never told anyone about it, though, and I wasn't about to mention it to Kyle.

  Leo looked better with age. His Italian genes were prominent head to toe, with his dark hair and dark skin. His light blue eyes were breath taking. I had to cough to cover the fact that his eyes had indeed taken my breath away. Back in the day, Leo had a nicely toned body, but all of these years later, he had muscles bulging from his chest and his arms that were not there before. He looked like someone had carved him from stone.

  He lifted me off of the ground when he hugged me, and planted a big kiss on my lips.

  "You look great," he said.

  "Thanks. So do you." I grinned like a stupid school girl. He was incredibly hot. It was probably illegal in thirty states to be that hot.

  "Hi. I'm Kyle, her boyfriend." Kyle reached out his hand. That was the first time he introduced himself as my boyfriend.

  "Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is Kyle," I said, shaking my head out of a daze. "Kyle, this is Leo."

  They shook hands and said their hellos.

  "I have a table ready for us over here," Leo waved us on.

  "This is a great place you have here," I said appreciatively.

  "Thanks. I've put a lot of hard work into it."

  There was already a bottle of chilled wine at the table. Leo poured some in each glass and asked me about Tabitha.

  "I don't talk to her that much," I admitted. "She travels a lot. We haven't really been very close over the last few years."

  "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't seen her in years. I would love to see her again. Between us, I always had the biggest crush on her."

  "Really?" I asked, eyebrows raised. "Is that why..." I didn't finish the question. My eyes fell on Kyle's for a mini second. I had forgotten he was there.

  "What?" Leo looked confused for a second and then understood. "No! One had nothing to do with the other, I promise." His smile was so awesome, I blushed.

  "What?" Kyle asked, looking from me to Leo. "I'm feeling a little lost here."

  Leo looked at me with t
hat winning smile and shrugged. I took a deep breath and smiled myself.

  "Leo and I...hung out a few times back in the day."

  "Hung out?"

  "Made out." I cleared my throat.

  "Huh." Kyle nodded. I felt his body tense up beside me.

  "It was a long time ago."

  "It's cool," Kyle smiled, but his eyes weren't happy. "So, how did you end up in Miami?"

  And so the conversation moved away from my past with Leo, much to my relief.

  The food Leo had his staff prepare for us was top notch. Even Kyle was impressed. I went through a bottle of wine by myself, but even that wasn't enough to numb me from the ache I felt when Kyle's phone rang and he excused himself from the table. I had again forgotten about Jess, laughing and chatting with Leo. My mood must have shifted significantly, because Leo noticed.

  "Who's on the phone?" He asked.

  "His girlfriend." I said simply.

  "Ohhhh..."

  "Yeah."

  "How long have you been with him?"

  "Almost a year."

  "I don't want to butt in, but..."

  "But?"

  He reached across the table and took my hands into his.

  "Coming from a guy who wasn't always nice to women, he's only going to treat you the way you let him. If you continue to be tolerant of your circumstances, he's not going to have a reason to change."

  I stared at him as if he just said the most remarkable thing I've ever heard, and maybe he did. It was something I already knew deep down, but to hear it vocalized by Leo really put things in perspective.

  I was still gaping at him and he still had my hands when Kyle cleared his throat beside us before sitting down beside me. I let go of Leo, reluctantly, when Kyle put his arm around me.

  About a half hour later, after making sure that I had all of Leo's contact information and vice versa, Kyle and I headed back to our hotel.

  "That was an interesting night," he said sourly as we walked into our room.

  "Yes."

  "What was with the hand holding?"

  "Just a friendly gesture."

  "What were you talking about?"

  "Nothing important."

  I quickly changed into a pair of pajamas and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Kyle followed me.

  "Your demeanor was weird."

  "When?" I asked with a mouth full of toothpaste foam.

  "When I came back and you two were holding hands."

  "Maybe it was because you were gone in the first place."

  He said nothing to this and I was able to finish brushing and rinse my mouth out.

  "You never told me that you hooked up with him before."

  "It wasn't important. It was a long time ago." I sighed and sat down at the table in the corner of the room. I felt like I was being interrogated. I rested my head in my hands, feeling the effects of too much wine.

  "How far did it go?"

  "What do you mean how far did it go?"

  "How far did it go? Just making out? Third base? Homerun?"

  "I hate when people use baseball to discuss sex."

  "Fine. Did you just make out with some light petting or did you fuck him?"

  I looked up at him. He was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, smoldering.

  "I thought you were cool with it?"

  "Maybe I'm not."

  "Well, that's becoming very obvious, Kyle."

  "You haven't answered my question."

  "Maybe I don't want to answer your stupid question."

  "Maybe that's an admission of guilt."

  "Guilt? For something I did before I knew you existed? You can't be serious."

  "So, you did fuck him."

  "Yes, you hypocritical dick," I snapped. "I fucked him. Not once, not twice, but three times."

  His face contorted into shock, then pain, and then anger.

  "So was this trip a guise to see him again? To get some kind of revenge on me?"

  "Are you listening to yourself?" I jumped up. "You sound crazy - crazy and obsessive. This trip was your idea!"

  "You chose Miami, specifically because of Leo!"

  "I didn't come down here to sleep with Leo, Kyle. But you know what? If I wanted to, I would, because I don't belong to you."

  He flinched as if I had slapped the shit out of him, and I wish that I really had. We stood there staring at each other for a minute.

  "I'm going to take a shower," he said quietly, and disappeared into the bathroom.

  I was having a hard time finding a sense of inner control. I didn't want to fight with Kyle all night. In fact, I didn't want to see Kyle for the rest of the night. I redressed, grabbed my purse, and escaped into the night.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  When I got to Leo's restaurant, he was just leaving.

  "Hey, what are you doing back here?" He asked. "Where's your stud muffin?"

  "I needed some air and he's back at the hotel. Are you leaving?"

  "Yeah, I'm just going home though."

  "Want some company?" I smiled.

  He smiled back. "Of course. Let's go."

  Leo's house was neater than I expected for a bachelor, neater than his bedroom was many years ago. It was tastefully decorated and he had pictures of friends and family, past and present, all over. Tabitha was in quite a few of them, many with Leo. It made me wonder if they had ever had anything going on, but I didn't feel like asking.

  "You want a drink?" Leo asked from the kitchen.

  "Always. I think I was born with a tequila bottle in my hand."

  He laughed. A minute later he handed me a pretty big, strong drink. "So why did you run away tonight?"

  "Oh, you don't want to hear all of the gritty details."

  "Actually, I do. Maybe I can help."

  He wanted to know, and I actually wanted to tell him, and I'm not sure why. We sat down on opposite ends of the couch, and I started from the beginning. Throughout the story, Leo refilled my glass several times. By the time I got to the part where I told Kyle I didn't belong to him, I couldn't walk in a straight line, not even in a nice zig zag.

  "I mean, I'm right, right?" I slurred. "I don't belong to him. A matter of fact, I don't belong to anyone!" I leaned in close to Leo, which didn't take much. Somehow, we had both ended up in the middle of the couch, dangerously close. "I don't belong to anyone," I repeated.

  I wrapped my hands around his neck and climbed into his lap, straddling him. He ran his hands up and down my back.

  "You sure you want to go there?" He asked and took a nibble of my bottom lip. "You may regret it later."

  "I won't be doing anything wrong. I'm technically single," I said, slowly gyrating on his lap.

  "I don't think Kyle sees it that way."

  "Can you shut up?" I kissed him hard on the mouth before he could answer.

  After a hot minute, Leo gently pushed me away.

  "What's wrong?" I asked, baffled.

  He patted my thigh. "I'm just not that guy anymore, Emmy."

  "You mean you're no longer an easy lay."

  "I guess that's right," he chuckled. "You're really attractive, and I really wouldn't mind revisiting the past, but I don't want to take advantage of you at this moment of weakness."

  "It's not a moment of weakness," I argued. To try to prove him wrong, I kissed him again. It lasted a little longer before he pushed me away again.

  "If you still want me when you're sober, I'll comply," Leo said and eased me off of him.

  I sat back on the couch, sulking.

  "Why do you have to be so...kind?" I growled.

  I fell asleep on Leo's couch, but he woke me up at dawn and drove me back to the hotel. In the car I checked my phone, which had been on silent through the night. Kyle had called me thirty-two times and sent so many text messages that I didn't have time to read them all by the time we arrived at the hotel.

  "Sorry for throwing myself on you like that," I told Leo before getting out of the car.
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  "I hope I didn't make you feel...unwanted. I just didn't want you to regret anything."

  "I wouldn't have regretted anything," I said firmly. "Thank you for being so cool about everything." I gave him a kiss, a full tongue on tongue kiss and got out of the car.

  When I walked through the door, I found Kyle sitting in the chair I was sitting in last night when we started arguing. His face was unreadable, but I knew this wasn't going to go well, and I knew that I was not going to play nice either.

  "Where were you?" He asked quietly.

  "Leo's." I stood on the other side of the room, leaning against the dresser.

  "The restaurant? I checked there."

  "His house."

  "Were you drinking?"

  "Yeah. Got pretty drunk."

  He was silent for a moment, but his next words seeped out like venom.

  "Did you fuck him a fourth time? Maybe a fifth?"

  "I didn't have sex with him."

  "Why should I believe you?"

  "I have no reason to lie, Kyle. I have nothing to lose,"

  "Me. You can lose me, or does that not matter to you anymore?"

  "I don't have you, Kyle!" I yelled. "Jessyca has you! I don't have you and you don't have me."

  He sat there, just as stunned as he was when I said that the night before. I couldn't stop myself from talking, making things worse.

  "For the record I did try to sleep with him, but he didn't want me to regret it when I sobered up," I started throwing various items into my carry-on bag. "I'm sober now, and I wouldn't have regretted it."

  One moment I was standing beside the bed and the next I was pinned down on it, Kyle's face in mine.

  "Why are you trying to fucking hurt me!" He roared. "Are you satisfied now?"

  When I didn't answer, he started violently shaking me, repeating the question.

  "Get off of me!" I tried to push him off, starting a struggle.

  Kyle was crazy with rage, obviously not thinking clearly as he fought with me. My wrist erupted in pain. I cried out, begging him to stop, but it took a moment for him to register that I was hurt. He jumped off of me, staring in disbelief as I held onto my wrist, crying.

  ***

  My wrist was fractured. Kyle tried to follow me into a cab to the emergency room, but I screamed at him with such vehemence, he backed off.