Worthy of Redemption Read online

  “I am very sorry,” I said to her back.

  Without a second glance, she walked away. I kicked the door shut before I went after her again. I stared at the closed door for a good five minutes before I finally stumbled back to the living room.

  That was it. She was gone. I knew she was gone forever. There was no hope left, nothing left for me to hold onto but the stupid ass bracelet.

  With a roar filled with pain and anger, I threw the bracelet across the room, barely hearing it clink to the floor over the sound of my own grief.

  Chapter Four

  *~Lily~*

  The last thing I wanted to do was put on my corporate high heels and work behind a desk in paper pushing servitude, but the quickest way to my goal was to humble myself, cover my tattoos and walk into Sterling Corporation like I belonged there.

  Okay, so it helped to have a friend on the inside.

  Mayson tucked a pencil behind her ear and spun in a full circle in her chair, looking for a misplaced file. Her desk was overflowing with them. So was her floor.

  “Ummm…” Mayson bit her bottom lip and tapped a file with her fingers.

  “What are you looking for?” I asked, reaching for a chocolate in a mug perched on the corner of her desk.

  Her eyes narrowed at the chocolate as I un-wrapped it.

  “Only because you’re unemployed and homeless will I allow that act of treachery, Lillian Whitman,” she said.

  “Yeah, but I’m not unemployed anymore, right?” I asked before popping the chocolate goodness into my mouth.

  She broke out into a smile. “No, you are not. I’m just not sure where to put you. There have been a lot of changes, people coming and going – mostly going…” She frowned. “Anyway, I don’t want to throw you to the wolves, you know?”

  “I can handle anything you throw at me,” I said and sat up a little straighter. “I’ve been tending bar since I was seventeen. I’ve handled plenty of wolves, and pigs, dogs, and jackasses.”

  “Seventeen? Is that even legal?” she asked warily.

  “Define legal.”

  “Never mind,” she said, shaking her head. “Lily, you’ve never been in the corporate world. There aren’t just wolves and jackasses, there are sharks.”

  “Listen, we’re wasting time,” I said, stealing another chocolate. “I can handle anything and anyone. I’ll learn anything I need to learn quickly. You know I’ll work my ass off.”

  Mayson sat back in her chair and eyed me carefully. “There is a position that I’m having a hard time filling. I wanted to hire from within the company, but not many seem to want it.”

  “What is it? Cleaning toilets?” I smirked.

  “You remember Kyle, don’t you?” she asked carefully.

  I didn’t blink, raise an eyebrow, or shift in my seat. I had memories of Kyle that most likely no one else but he and I were aware of.

  “Yes, I remember Kyle,” I said. “What about him?”

  “He’s heading a new department. The assistant that replaced Emmy has been promoted, so she was unable to follow him. As I said, the department is brand new. He needs an assistant and office manager. Besides the fact that he is extremely demanding and can be a real dick, it’s just going to be a lot of work getting everything rolling correctly. The pay is spectacular, and you’ll get benefits after sixty days.”

  “Well…” I sighed. “You know I’m not looking to stay with the company forever, right? This is just a means for me to get where I need to get. How long do you think it will take to get this department up and running?”

  “A year, maybe less. Depends on your team,” she said with a shrug. “I figured you’d be here a year to eighteen months.”

  “That’s about right.”

  “Usually, I wouldn’t hire someone for a position like that if they weren’t planning on staying for a long time,” she said. She looked like she was having second thoughts.

  “Listen, Mayson,” I said, leaning forward. “I like a challenge. If you have any other positions that are equally challenging and have a spectacular pay, I’ll take any of them. If not, let me be the dick’s assistant. I promise I can do it, and I promise I will not leave before the department is up and running. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find out that I like the corporate world and never leave.”

  Mayson snickered. “I highly doubt you’ll change your dreams after working for Kyle Sterling for a year. You’ll be running for the exit at the end, trust me.”

  “So, you’ll give me the position?”

  “Yes,” she said with resignation. “You’ll have to go through some basic training and orientation for a week or so, and then you’ll be able to join Kyle.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed. “I owe you for this.”

  “I look forward to endless free food and drinks when you finally open your establishment.” She stamped a yellow sheet of paper and handed it to me. “Come back tomorrow morning at eight-thirty and go see Harriet down the hall. She’ll get you started.”

  “I’ll be here,” I said getting to my feet.

  “Good luck,” she said, already distracted. She spun around in her chair again. “Now, where’s my pencil?"

  I stepped into the corridor and headed towards the elevators, wondering if I had finally climbed aboard the train to Crazy by taking a job working directly for Kyle Sterling, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I really needed that paycheck. As Mayson had pointed out, I was already homeless – I was homeless before the bar burned down. I spent my nights on a friend’s couch in North Camden, and even that was beginning to look unreliable. If I didn’t get a decent income soon, I was going to end up sleeping on the streets of Philadelphia.

  The elevator arrived as I tried to shake that thought. I was putting the paper Mayson gave me into my bag as I stepped on, only glancing at the one pair of shoes in the cab to make sure that I wouldn’t run into anyone. While I was in my bag, I thought I’d have a piece of gum. The smell of spearmint in the bag was strong, but the gum eluded me. With a sigh, I gave up and finally dared to steal a glance at my one elevator companion.

  Kyle Sterling pinned me against the wall with his cold eyes.

  Well, at least we’re getting the awkward part done with…

  I didn’t get a “hello” or a “hey” or a “what’s up” or anything decent from Kyle when he finally spoke.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked. His eyes flittered over me with something that looked like disgust.

  “Same as you,” I answered. With great effort, I didn’t roll my eyes at my new boss. “I’m taking the elevator down to the lobby.”

  “This elevator is going to the twenty-first floor,” he said coolly.

  I looked at the one lit up button. Maybe if I had been paying attention and not thinking about being homeless, I would have noticed the up arrow lit up above the doors. I punched the L button with a little more force than necessary.

  “You haven’t answered my question,” he said, stepping up beside me.

  “Applying for a position,” I said, watching the numbers tick up to twenty-one. It felt as if the elevator was moving painfully slow, delaying Kyle’s departure from the cab that suddenly felt much smaller.

  I saw him nod once out of the corner of my eye. “Of course. Mayson helped you out then?”

  “Mmm hmm,” I nodded.

  How much slower can this thing go!

  “Where did she put you? Mail room? Data processing?”

  I finally looked at him, one of my newly waxed, ring-free eyebrows raised in a challenge.

  “What makes you think she’s put me in the mail room or data processing?” I asked.

  “Up until a few weeks ago you were merely a barmaid for several years,” he said from his high horse. “Where else would she put you?”

  “So, because I was ‘merely a barmaid’ I must not have any redeeming corporate abilities?”

  He only stared at me with his cool gaze. His silence was a loud and clear response to my question. I turned m
y attention back to the dials and was relieved to see the number twenty-one light up, quickly followed by the dinging sound I never thought I’d enjoy more. Kyle took his time stepping off of the elevator, but then he stood in the entranceway, holding the door open, staring at me again.

  “Why do you need to know where I will be working?” I asked, not hiding my irritation.

  “I could use a file clerk in my department,” he said.

  “A file clerk?” I laughed. “Well, as your assistant and office manager, if I find that I can’t control my urge to staple you to a wall, I’ll ask you for a demotion – to file clerk.”

  I gave him a gentle shove and grinned with satisfaction at his surprised face as the elevator doors closed.

  *~Kyle~*

  I stood at the elevator, punching the down arrow repeatedly, but the cab continued on its descent to the Lobby. Another elevator arrived, but I knew by the time I got to the first floor, Lily would be gone. I took the elevator to the tenth floor instead and stormed into Mayson’s office without knocking.

  She looked surprised by my arrival, but her expression was quickly replaced by one of annoyance.

  “My Grace,” she started in a phony English accent. “What brings you to these lower parts of the kingdom?”

  “Did you hire Emmy’s old barmaid as my assistant and office manager?” I demanded to know.

  She narrowed her eyes. “I only did that not even ten minutes ago. How do you know about that already?” She frowned and her shoulders slumped some. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “Oh, I am surprised,” I said, trying to rein in my anger. “I ran into her on the elevator. You do realize that I need more than a barmaid to help me run my department, Mayson. If this is some effort to make me look foolish…”

  “Why would I do that?” she snorted. “You need to simmer down, get your panties out of a twist, Sterling. Lily ran Emmy’s bar for years. Em was basically owner just in name, because Lily did everything, and she would have done much more if the place didn’t burn to the ground.”

  “Running a little bar in suburbia isn’t the same as running a whole department in a company like Sterling Corporation.”

  “It’s not that different,” Mayson said, waving a hand in dismissal. “She’s not just a dumb bartender, Kyle. Did you know she has a business degree?”

  “Did she do it by mail order like she did her bartending certificate?” I snarled.

  “No, you dick. She got her bartending skills all on her own, but she got her degree from University of Penn. Is that good enough for you?”

  University of Penn wasn’t what I considered an elite school, but it was a very good one. I wasn’t very impressed, however. Lily squandered her degree on mixing drinks and getting groped for bad tips in a small bar for years.

  “She has no experience in the corporate world,” I argued. “She will only slow me down.”

  “I think she will surpass even Emmy’s abilities,” Mayson said, rooting through a stack of files.

  I glared at her. Emmy was probably the best administrative assistant that ever walked through the doors of Sterling Corporation, and I wasn’t just saying that because she was mine. I had to steal her away from my father and then fight him and my other superiors to keep her. I felt that Mayson was only saying that to get under my skin, not because Lily could possibly actually compare to Emmy.

  “Put her somewhere else,” I said through a clenched jaw.

  “I’m not putting her somewhere else. You’re going to have to trust me on this one.”

  “Why should I trust you?” I glared at her. “You hate me, you said so yourself, and I don’t doubt that you know a few other things about me that can do nothing but intensify your hatred for me. How do I know you’re not setting me up to fail?”

  She stopped rooting through her files and stared at me.

  “I don’t like you, Kyle,” she said in a matter of fact tone. “And yes, I do know a few more things about you that I didn’t know before, but there are a few things you need to keep in mind. Lily is here by my recommendation. I’m not going to let her make me look bad. As for the other things, I’m not holding any of it against you.”

  “Why not?” I asked, taken aback by her words.

  “That’s my business. I happen to like my job, Kyle, and I kind of want this company to succeed. So, if that means having to make sure that the biggest dick in the building gets a winning team, then so be it. Now get out of my office. Some of us actually work around here.”

  I left her office not because she commanded me to, but because there was nothing left to say. Mayson was delusional if she thought that a woman who was mixing drinks for a living not even a full month ago was going to excel in the demanding position she was just hired for, but Mayson was so adamant about her decision, I chose to let it go.

  When – not if, but when Lily crashes and burns, Mayson can crash and burn with her.

  I immediately felt bad for wishing bad things upon Lily. She saved my life nearly two years ago and I owed her more than a job for that, especially after the way I shrugged her off. However, my personal feelings for her did not change her competency for the position, and once she realized that, I would gladly give her another position she was qualified for.

  *~~~*

  She opened the door wearing nothing but a shirt and a pair of SpongeBob panties. I grew hard at the site, thankful that my coat was long enough to cover the fact that she just turned me on.

  As my hand closed over my wallet in my pocket, I claimed that I couldn't find it anywhere. It was the only excuse I had for showing up at her door, the only believable one. I was desperate to see her again outside of work.

  I stayed with her all weekend, through an enormous snow storm. I felt more alive in her presence than I had ever felt. I saw a side of her she didn't allow me to see at work. She was brutally honest, yet tender; and she was funny, witty, and sweet. She loved to laugh and had a smile that lit up everything around her. I loved holding her in my arms, smelling her hair, kissing her lips, and sliding inside of her. Everything about Emmy was heavenly, and I was solely responsible for her becoming a fallen, broken angel...

  Darkness falls across my vision and I can't see anything, but I can hear myself beating her and I can feel my fists making contact with her soft body. Her terrified screams fill the air. I try to make myself stop, but I can't, and the beating and screaming and crying and the sound of glass breaking goes on...

  I bolted upright in bed, Emmy's screams still echoing in my head. I fumbled for the light next to my bed, illuminating my bedroom and pulling myself out of the darkness of my nightmare. Though I was fully awake, the dream clung to me, and I knew that the dream was most likely a memory and not something my mind made up.

  Shaken and too afraid to close my eyes again, I rolled out of bed and changed into sweats. I pulled on a pair of socks and sneakers, grabbed my keys and left for an early morning run to clear my head.

  The nightmares came off and on since I woke up in rehab that long ago New Year's Day. I knew that I had physically harmed Emmy, but I didn't know to what extent. My dad refused to tell me only because I wanted to know so badly. Had I told him it would pain me to know, he would have told me every solitary, gruesome detail. Mayson all but confirmed she knew what happened, but if she wanted to tell me, she would have done so already, rubbing my face in my shame with a jovial laugh.

  I was hoping that Emmy would enlighten me during her visit, but she was adamant that she didn't want to talk about it, but as she was leaving she had said that I put my hands on her and I broke her. It reminded me of her mother’s words from so long ago: “She’s broken and I think you broke her.” It killed me inside to know that I had done that to her, and I knew it wasn’t just about the physical abuse. I dragged Em through the mud for so long, taking advantage of her love for me. Whether she knew all of the reasons behind my behavior or not did not excuse my actions.

  I even felt some guilt towards Jess. In the beginning
I believe she really did love me, and at one time I really loved her, too, but after a couple of years, I knew she wasn't for me. I would never be truly happy with her and I wasn't the man she wanted me to be. Pressure from my dad and her dad kept us together, and before I really could stop myself, I was obsessed with Emmy and making foolish mistakes. Even though Jess seems cold and heartless from the outside, I know for a fact that I broke her heart too.

  I’m an asshole of epic proportions, and a pussy. I devoured Emmy’s light with my darkness, made Jessyca into a bad person, failed to protect my mom, failed to save my brother, and folded under any pressure exerted by my dad. I deserved nothing less than to run into traffic and get run over by a SEPTA bus, but I didn’t even have the guts to do that. Instead, I ran back home as dawn was breaking and got ready for work.

  *~Lily~*

  The morning commute from South Jersey to Philadelphia is a nightmare. The roads are crowded, the buses are crowded, the trains are overstuffed tin cans and the sidewalks are overflowing with cranky commuters. Stopping in any kind of shop that sells coffee is dangerous, and you risk losing a limb for an overpriced cup of Joe.

  When I walked through the doors of Sterling Corp, I felt like I had slid into home base, but my reprieve was short, as the building also was starting to fill up. Coming from a night crawling lifestyle, adapting to this morning rush to work was going to take some patience, strong doses of caffeine, and possibly some chocolate. It was still early, and I had not even begun my work day yet, but I was already salivating thinking of a chocolate milkshake topped with whipped cream and cherries at the end of my day.

  Focus on the milkshake, and everything will be okay. You can do this!

  I found Mayson waiting with a dozen other people at the three elevators in the lobby. She smiled and waved me over.

  “Good morning,” she said too brightly.

  “Hi,” I said, making myself smile.

  “I heard you had a run in with Kyle yesterday,” she said in an apologetic tone. “I’m sorry.”