Absolution (Disenchanted Book 3) Read online

  “I was thinking,” she started with hesitancy. “I should go home sooner rather than later.”

  My brows pinched together, and my mouth opened. I had not expected her to say that, even after our sour discussion a little while ago. “Why?”

  Her eyes couldn’t quite meet mine. “Well, we never really discussed how long I’d stay, and I do have a job to get back to…if they don’t fire me. The kids have school. Your brother is very sick, and I don’t think…I don’t think we should be here during such a difficult time for your family.”

  “Only a few days ago you told me if I’d asked, you would’ve dropped everything to be here with me. You would’ve taken the kids out of school; you would have left your house and life to be here with me. Was that a lie?”

  She stared at my chest and slowly shook her head. “No. It wasn’t a lie, but…” She released a hard breath before meeting my eyes again. “I’m not going to stay here if it’s going to be like this, if you’re going to treat me like shit. I won’t ever let a man I love treat me like that again, not even you.”

  I was torn. I was two men in that moment. I was the man who wanted to go to her, hold her in my arms, and soothe us both. I was also the man who wanted to rage at her. In the end, I was someone in between—a third man, angry but somewhat reasonable.

  “When will you stop punishing me for Gavin’s mistakes?” I questioned quietly.

  Her eyes widened slightly as she recoiled back a step. “I’m not pun—”

  “I am not him, Lydia,” I said roughly. “I am not him, but am I not allowed to be angry? You were going to keep my baby from me.”

  “I wasn’t.”

  “You were. Even if it was just for a few weeks, a few months, that time is mine just as much as it is yours. He or she is half of me, and I deserve those weeks and those months. I deserve each and every day. I know I have not been perfect, but I have not done anything so terrible as to warrant you withholding something so precious from me. So, yes, I am angry. I am hurt, and I am confused, but I am sure if you thought rationally and unselfishly for even one minute, you would be able to understand that.”

  The Lydia of a few months ago would have fought back. She would’ve said cruel things to hide her pain, but that wasn’t who she was anymore. Tears pooled in her eyes as she stared at the floor, her arms wrapped securely around herself. She seemed so small just then, so little and defenseless, and I hated it. Where were her claws? Still, I could not stop myself from speaking, my own abundance of emotions dampening my eyes.

  “I was so happy,” I said softly. “I was so full of joy when you told me. Why couldn’t you just let me have that?”

  Her eyes closed and tears spilled down her cheeks. After a moment of stillness and silence between us, she turned away and slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor. I knew I should have gone after her—I wanted to go after her, and I started to do just that when, once more, I was thwarted by others.

  Gavin Jr. and Armano skidded into sight, out of breath as if they’d been running, faces bright.

  “Zio!” My nephew beamed up at me. It was nice to see, because the boy had been very morose over the past few months, understandably so.

  “What kind of havoc are the two of you creating?” I asked teasingly, finding it in myself to smile for them, even though I felt compelled to jog up the stairs and chase after Lydia.

  “None!” they said together, but they looked at each other with badly hidden mischief in their eyes.

  In halting Italian—but impressive, nonetheless—Gavin asked, “Do I have to go with Mom today? It’s going to be all girls! I can stay here with Armano and do guy stuff.”

  My brow rose. “What kind of guy stuff?”

  “Stuff that doesn’t involve girls. We’re going exploring.”

  “Girls like to go exploring, too, but I will have mercy on you. I see the pair of you have become good friends already. You can go do your exploring, but stay out of trouble and do not do anything dangerous.”

  “We are only going to do the same things you and my dad did,” Armano said.

  I placed my hands on their heads and gave them a good ruffle. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Go on, but check in from time to time.”

  “Thank you, Uncle!”

  “Thanks, Da— I mean, Marco,” Gavin said, not even realizing his slip before he ran off with his new best friend.

  I stood there for a moment, staring in the direction they’d gone. He’d almost called me Dad. My chest ached with love and adoration for the child, but also with the fear of rejection. Replacing his father was unthinkable and never something I’d wanted, but becoming a father figure to him, Cora, and Amanda was as important to me as becoming a father myself.

  My gaze moved to the top of the stairs, where Lydia had disappeared. Again, I wanted desperately to go to her, but I hadn’t seen my brother yet, and the few minutes I had may be the only time I got with him today. Lydia and I would be able to talk later.

  When I entered my brother’s room, I was surprised and rather disappointed to find Tess there. I’d hoped to have some time alone with him to talk if he was up to it. As per usual, Tessa was in bed with him, but unlike yesterday, Massimo was sitting up, and her head was on his shoulder. He was still pale, and he still looked sick, but he didn’t look as sick as he had yesterday.

  His smile put me at ease. I hadn’t known how tense I was until then.

  “Good morning, little brother.”

  “You’re the little brother now,” I commented and kissed the top of his head. “Scrawny thing you are.”

  “Dying does that to a man. Maybe if Tess brought me more tortelli I’d be able to die a little slower.”

  Tess rolled her eyes but didn’t lift her head from his shoulder. “It’s out of season. You’ll just have to hang around until next year to get more.”

  “Anything for you, my Tessa.”

  Massimo kissed the top of her head, much like I had done to him moments earlier but not quite the same. His kiss lingered. His eyes closed as if he were savoring the moment, the feel of her hair against his lips, the smell of her. They’d been friends for so long but…but this made me feel like I was intruding, like I should leave them alone. However, something inside me warned not to do that, not to leave them alone in that room. Now, their lifelong friendship seemed like something more. I wondered if they had always been that way, or if it was only that I was just now noticing it.

  “I thought you were going to Salina’s for brunch,” I said to Tess and took a seat near the bed. I definitely was not going to leave. It made me uneasy to even consider it.

  “I am. I wanted to come by and see Massimo first. I’d offer to drive Lydia, but I have to stop at home and pick up Daniel.”

  “Your parents brought him back?”

  “Yes. They arrived yesterday evening. That’s why we didn’t come to dinner.”

  I suspected there was more to that, considering how she’d left yesterday. “Then will you all be here this evening for the celebrations? It will be nice to see your parents again, and I think I’ve only seen Daniel once or twice since he was born. Are you keeping him from us?” I was only teasing, but I found it rather peculiar that she avoided my eyes.

  “Of course not. I’m not sure if we will be here.”

  “I want you to come.” Massimo’s tone was serious.

  Tess sat up and looked at him. They had an entire conversation I was not privy to with just their eyes. Again, I was struck by how different their friendship was now.

  “I don’t care,” Massimo murmured after a moment of them staring at each other. “I might not be here next year, Tess. Don’t deny me a chance to be with everyone I love one last time.”

  Her gaze dropped to where their hands were clasped together in his lap, something I hadn’t noticed right away. Again, I felt discomfort watching this, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

  “Okay,” she whispered after another moment before looking at him again. “Okay. We’ll com
e.”

  “All of you. Especially Daniel.”

  She nodded, and his shoulders fell with relief. Tess gave him a quick kiss on his nose and scrambled out of the bed.

  “I better go.” She avoided our gazes as she pulled on her shoes. Only when she was about to walk out the door did she glance at my brother once more, something hungry yet sad in her expression. “We’ll see you later.”

  Then she was gone.

  I scrutinized Massimo through narrow eyes. Was there something he was not telling me? I wanted to ask, but when I really thought about it, I realized I was overanalyzing things. Of course their friendship had changed. Tess had been gone for many years, and although they had seen each other off and on during that time, their friendship had not rekindled until she moved back to Italy. They had missed each other, as real friends would, and just as they’d begun to get reacquainted, Massimo got sick. They probably regretted all the years and miles that had been between them. I know I did. I felt closer to my brother more now than ever, and I imagined it was the same for Tessa and him. Terminal illnesses and death made people more aware of time and what was important more than anything else could.

  “What is going on with you, brother? You looked miserable when you came in.”

  Before I could respond, Massimo began to cough. It was a bad spell that lasted a couple minutes at least, but it did not sound as bad as it had yesterday. Michael came in at the start of the coughing and hung around a couple minutes until he was sure Massimo wasn’t about to keel over that very moment. Once he was out the door, I immediately answered the question before anyone or anything else could interrupt.

  “This stays between you and me. I don’t have a lot of time now to talk about it, but I am going to tell you something I just found out today. Lydia is pregnant.”

  Saying the words aloud made my heart race. I still couldn’t believe it.

  Massimo’s eyebrows rose. “Really?”

  “Would I joke about this?” I retorted.

  He blinked and shook his head, a slow smile creeping up his face. “No. No, you would not. I am just surprised. You’ve always been careful. You fall in love with a woman for the first time in more than twenty years, and the first thing you do to secure her is impregnate her.”

  I scowled. “I did not impregnate her on purpose.”

  “Are you sure? Name another time you didn’t use a condom.”

  I was silent, because I couldn’t. With every partner in the past, including Celia, I used protection. I hadn’t wanted any surprises. With Lydia, though, it just seemed so natural to have nothing between us. However, admittedly, I had known then that she wasn’t on any form of birth control, and that thought never occurred to me when I’d slid into her. Unless…unless it had been one of those subconscious thoughts, the kind that we either ignore or allow to navigate our decisions. Which one was it, though? Had I ignored it, or had it been behind my actions?

  As if reading my thoughts, Massimo continued to speak. “What did you think would happen if you had unprotected sex with a woman in her most fertile years?”

  “I…I guess I didn’t think about it. I just…I liked…” I trailed off, unwilling to finish that thought out loud. What I didn’t say was that I liked the idea of leaving a part of me inside her, but then that would be like admitting that I wanted to get her pregnant, because leaving a part of me inside her was exactly what I’d done, to the extreme.

  “I understand,” Massimo said after a moment. “So, I suppose I should congratulate you.”

  My smile was sad. “We argued during the reception just a few nights ago. It feels like forever ago. She tried to end our relationship completely. She tried to push me out of her life, and she knew then that she was pregnant. She was going to keep my baby from me, Massimo. Maybe not for forever, but if I hadn’t asked her to come here with me…if you had not come down with pneumonia, I am not sure when she would have told me, or if she would have told me.”

  I sighed and rubbed my burning eyes. My brother waited patiently for me to continue, sensing that that wasn’t the end of the story.

  “When she first told me, I’d been so excited. I was over the moon with happiness. I was able to get her in to see the doctor this morning. I wanted to make sure she and the baby were okay. When we were on our way back here, I was talking a lot, planning, and just like that, she wiped away my happiness. She reminded me of our issues, issues I thought we’d finally dealt with, and that made me remember those conversations at the reception. It was almost like she did it on purpose, that she let me feel that crazy joy just so she could take it away.”

  That was a serious accusation, and I immediately regretted saying it. It made Lydia appear cruel and vile. While she had a mean streak—one that often turned me on more than anything—she was not cruel. She was not vile. She was not a hateful person. Just a broken one.

  I dragged a hand over my face, blew out a loud, frustrated breath, and got to my feet, not giving Massimo a chance to respond. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung all this on you. You have enough to deal with. Anyway, I only stopped in for a few minutes to see how you were feeling. I’m going to drive Lydia to have brunch with Salina and Tess. Now that I am thinking of it, I am not sure if Salina would be the best company for her under the circumstances.”

  “You cannot choose her friends, Marco,” my brother warned. “Besides, we still don’t know all the details of what happened between Salina and Giovanni. It isn’t any of our business anyway.” His head tilted to one side as he studied me with a somber expression. “That is the most you’ve spoken so openly to me in…twenty years.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that truth. We’d managed to patch our relationship over the years, but in a way, I still hadn’t trusted my brother enough to get too close to him, not until recently. That made me sad. We’d lost years by being polite instead of honest.

  When I said nothing, Massimo smiled weakly. “Make sure you send Lydia to see me when she gets back. I want to get to know the mother of my future nephew or niece.”

  I promised I would and then left. A few minutes later, I cautiously entered my old bedroom. Immediately, my gaze was drawn to her. She sat on the bed, hands rubbing her injured leg, with her knee brace beside her. Her eyes flicked up to mine briefly before she looked away. I closed the door behind me, kneeled on the floor in front of her, and took over the massage by gently pushing her hands out of the way. Lydia winced a couple times under my ministrations, but she didn’t utter any complaints.

  “You have had a busy few days,” I murmured, glancing up to her face and catching her eyes. “I should have made you rest more.”

  “It’s my fault. I’d had better than expected results from physical therapy, but I keep pushing myself beyond my current boundaries.”

  “You are doing remarkably well. I see the difference.”

  Her lips pursed. “You didn’t see it at first.”

  I held her gaze. “I know, and I am sorry. If it is any consolation, I never paid much attention to this.” I gave her leg a light squeeze. “Not to the way you walk, not really. I found everything about you so attractive from the beginning, and this…this is part of you.”

  She frowned and her eyes narrowed. “You found my limp attractive?”

  One side of my mouth quirked up. “If you would like to put it like that. I would put it a little differently.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Your beautiful face drew me in first. I was instantly enthralled by your big, round eyes. I once told you they are the color of snowstorm clouds, but maybe that was not accurate. There is nothing in this world I can think of to compare them to. They are the deepest gray with just a hint of blue. I was almost struck mute by the shape of your mouth. Your bottom lip is just the slightest fuller than your top. I wanted to stop everything, to forget everyone, and count and kiss every freckle. You do not have a lot of them, but enough to keep me busy and happy for a good time.”

  Lydia stared at me d
ubiously, her cheeks pink. “I was wearing a hat that day. How could you even see my face?”

  “Oh, I saw your face. That hat did not hide you as much as you had hoped. I’m not finished. No more interruptions until I’ve finished praising your beauty.”

  Her pretty lips twitched as she nodded for me to continue.

  “As I was saying, you were, as they say, fucking hot.” I grinned when she let out a bark of surprised laughter. “Your face was so beautiful, Tesoro, my soul wept. Of course, I needed to check out the rest of you, which I did. Your thighs and ass in those leggings made my mouth water.”

  Doubt clouded her face. “What thighs? What ass?”

  I put a finger over her mouth. “I’ve instructed you to remain silent during the praising of your beauty. These thighs.” I put my hands on her legs and rubbed for a couple seconds before moving up to her rear. “And this ass.” I gave that a generous squeeze before moving up the sides of her body until I reached her breasts. I covered each one. “And my hands ached to hold these, to feel your nipples against my palms and between my fingers.”

  I didn’t dare linger long there, or she would never make it to brunch. Already, I felt my manhood rising from simply touching her. I cupped her cheek in one hand and put my other one on her waist.

  “But I was again drawn to your face,” I continued softly. “Because as beautiful and amazing as it was, I saw the wariness and heartache in your eyes. I felt your grief and sadness. I wanted so badly to take you into my arms and make it all better, even though I did not know you, Tesoro. As soon as you opened your mouth, I was done for. Your fiery defenses were up, claws out, and I was quite prepared to allow you to rip me open and burn me right there on that plane. Of course, I did notice your limp when you walked, and I had already been told about it, but that only made me want you more. I wanted to get on my knees and kiss you there, kiss wherever it hurt. So, to answer your question, yes, I found your limp attractive, because it was and is a part of you.”

  She held my gaze for a long time before speaking softly and running her fingers through my hair. “We’re supposed to be fighting, and you’re down there making me feel all warm and fuzzy.”