Accidentally on Purpose Read online

  "I practically did," I lied and then mentally chastised myself for lying.

  Well, I couldn't tell him Kyle left me breathless, could I?

  "How are you?" Luke asked.

  A little fucked up.

  "Fine. Tired. How are you?"

  "The same," he sighed.

  He proceeded to talk about the suckish points of his day. I didn't mind. Luke doesn't complain much, so if something bothers him I want to hear about it.

  "So, what's going on in your world?" He asked when he finished talking.

  "The Sterlings invited us to a cocktail party they're having on Saturday."

  "While that sounds painfully merry, I have a bachelor's party to attend Saturday night in Chicago."

  I giggled. "Painfully merry. Funny. I forgot you weren't coming right home. You're flying to Chicago to get drunk and have other women shake their boobs in your face."

  "If it bothers you, I won't go," he said seriously.

  "No," I kicked at the table leg. "It doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just jealous."

  "Jealous? You're not the jealous type."

  "Maybe I want boobs shaken in my face."

  He laughed hard for almost an entire minute.

  "You're a riot."

  "I know. Seriously, though, have a good time, be careful. Make sure you get a lap dance."

  "I'd rather have you dancing on my lap."

  "Well, you know where to find me."

  He chuckled. "I'm going to get to bed. Talk to you tomorrow."

  "Night. Miss you."

  "Miss you, too. And..."

  "And?"

  "I love you," he said in a quiet tone.

  "I love you, too, Luke."

  We hung up. I sat down in a chair and let my head hit the table with a loud THUNK.

  Chapter Seventeen

  At work, I pretended that nothing had happened. Kyle did, too, which should have made life a little easier, but Kyle wasn't being friendly. He wasn't being a dick either. He was indifferent. It was as if he were saying "See, this is how it will be if you decide you only want to be friends."

  At the end of late work nights, Kyle usually left with me, always offering to take me to my car. This time when I stepped into the elevator, he bid me goodnight and took the stairs. By the time the elevator picked up stragglers from other floors, Kyle was gone.

  I decided that I was going to have to shake it off. Psshh, that kiss wasn't even all that. If he wanted it to be that way, that was fine. I can be indifferent, too. I was indifferent before he stalked me and found me in my bar that night.

  When Saturday rolled around, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from being indifferent. I almost didn't feel like going to the cocktail party. I lounged around on the couch, flipping through boring Saturday television, eating popcorn with too much butter. My mom called me half a million times, but I never answered. Judging from the voicemails she left, she wasn't calling about anything important.

  The party was at six. At three, I had to make a decision. If I were to go, I had to shower, shave, wash and style my hair and do my makeup. My dress was still in the bag from when I bought it, draped over a chair in the living room, and my new shoes sat in a box by the couch. If I didn't go, the carefully selected dress and shoes would have been bought in vain, and I do not waste designer clothes and shoes.

  I dragged myself off of the couch and went upstairs to get ready.

  ***

  The Sterling Estate was off of the affluent Main Line, not far from stupid Jess's family estate. The enormous house sat on thirty acres of private land. During the summer, the property was beautifully landscaped with lush gardens and fountains shaped like naked little cherubs spitting water out of their mouths…and other things.

  I pulled up into the Sterling's driveway a few minutes after six and handed my keys off to a valet. Upon entering the door, I checked my coat. Just outside the enormous dining room, a servant waited with a tray of champagne. I snagged one and drank half of it by the time I was a few steps inside the room.

  I paused and took in my surroundings. The room was slightly dimmed, I suppose to give it a little ambiance. The bar, I quickly noted, was in the far left corner, and there were tables of food straight ahead, along with servants wandering the place with trays of booze and food. There were tables, couches and chairs set up throughout the room to make it look like an enormous living area. It didn't at all look tacky, but looked posh. Really, it looked more like an upscale club. I was impressed.

  There must have been two hundred people in the room. I recognized some faces, but many were strangers. There was no sign of Kyle, his parents, or Dumb-Dumb Jessyca. I floated towards the bar, stopping to speak to a few people along the way.

  One guy I knew, Trevor, followed me on my journey. I think he thought he was gonna get some. Trevor's had a crush on me since high school. He was good looking enough, but he was a pig. I was pretty sure I heard a rumor that he had the clap.

  I was rescued from Trevor several drinks later when Kyle magically appeared at my side.

  "Hello," Kyle said, openly letting his eyes wander up and down my body.

  In my mind, while purchasing my dress and shoes, I told myself that I was buying the nude, backless, short dress because it was stylish, not because I knew Kyle would love it. The six inch red shoes were bought because they matched the dress, not because Kyle thought high heels made my legs look incredibly sexy. I wore my hair up with a few strands loose, because it was comfortable, not because Kyle had a thing for me exposing my neck in this way.

  But let's be truthful. I did it all for Kyle.

  Shame on you, Emmy.

  "Hello, Kyle."

  "My mother is looking for you," he said, offering his hand.

  "Nice seeing you again, Trevor," I said, taking Kyle's hand and gracefully stepping off of the stool.

  "Maybe we can talk somewhere more quiet and secluded later," Trevor said.

  "Maybe not," Kyle said firmly and lead me away.

  "I don't know, maybe I'd like to talk to Trevor in a more secluded, quiet place later," I said.

  "If I ever catch you with that loser, I'll beat him to within an inch of his life," he said seriously.

  He had his hand on my bare back as we weaved through the crowd. I loved it. He loved it. We loved it.

  "Well, that's drastic, coming from a man who has been indifferent to me for days."

  "It wasn't easy."

  "No kidding," I muttered.

  "You look amazing." His fingers trailed down my back.

  "Thank you."

  "Every guy in this room wants you, and every woman is jealous."

  "Whatever." I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

  "It's true. Take a casual look around the room."

  "I'm not vain enough to check. Even though I think you're exaggerating, I'll take your word for it."

  "Where's Luke?"

  "Bachelor party in Chicago. Where's Jess?"

  "Around."

  A moment later we reached his mother. Jess was with her. Great.

  "Mrs. Sterling," I said reaching out my hand. "Thank you for inviting me."

  She nodded with a brief smile and said "You look lovely."

  She looked at me from head to foot and then had me slowly spin around. I felt like she was about to buy me.

  "Beautiful," she sighed. I was beginning to wonder if she were a lesbian.

  "Yes," Jess piped in. "Although, it is a little...skimpy." Her eyes flickered over to Kyle. Kyle was watching me.

  "But you pull it off perfectly, Emmy," Mrs. S said. She gave me another brief smile and walked away.

  "What was that all about?" I drew close to Kyle so only he could hear me. "That was weird."

  "You remind her of what she used to be."

  "She used to be an idiot?" I laughed lightly.

  He flashed me his grin, but didn't answer because dumbass Jess interrupted by taking hold of his arm.

  "It was nice to see you, Emmy," she said
without meaning it. She tried pulling Kyle away, but he stood firm.

  "Did you think about it?" He asked, practically ignoring Jessyca.

  "The answer is no, of course." I looked at him like he was nuts.

  "I don't believe that," he hinted a smile as he slowly let himself be dragged off by the succubus.

  "Why not?" I crossed my arms.

  He broke free of Jess and whispered in my ear "Because you dressed up for me."

  He allowed Jess to take him away without a backward glance.

  I wanted to go back to the bar, but Trevor was there, watching me from afar. I grabbed two glasses of champagne off of a moving tray and drank them quickly. I ambled over to a group of people I knew and allowed conversation to distract me for a while, but every now and then my eyes would float around the room in search of Kyle. When I finally saw him across the room, he was already looking at me.

  His face gave nothing away, but there was something in his eyes that made my heart flutter. I peeled my eyes away, so no one in my group would get suspicious, but every time I looked in his direction, he was watching me.

  Eventually, I got tired of talking to people I usually don't care about. I got tired of Kyle's staring and Jess's glaring. I felt like I should have never come, and especially should have never dressed to impress Kyle.

  My heart really wanted to go where he was offering, but my mind knew better. A wise man once said "Anyone who can rationalize love through intellect, has no idea what love is, for it is an emotion, and cannot be rationalized. For love is crazy." I couldn't allow myself to plead insanity and run into Kyle's arms. Under the circumstances, rationalizing love through intellect was the right thing to do, even if it was crushing me from the inside out. I'm pretty sure the man who made that quote wasn't thinking about cheating in the name of love, but occasionally, my own mind went that way.

  While Kyle's attention was elsewhere, I slipped out of the party. When I got home, I turned on the radio in the kitchen, took out the half gallon of Breyer's vanilla and chocolate ice-cream, a jar of peanut butter and a big spoon. I found some chocolate chips and mini marshmallows in the cabinet, grabbed a bowl to dump them in and sat down at the kitchen table. I ate right out of the carton, finding creative ways to get all of my ingredients into my mouth at the same time. This was my comfort food, but it wasn't working very well.

  I had eaten half of the ice-cream when I heard the front door open. My heart skipped a beat. I sat stock still, wondering if I'd be able to defend myself with a sticky spoon. Footsteps sounded in the hall and I thought maybe I could convince the robber or rapist to sit down and have some ice-cream instead of committing their intended crime.

  Kyle appeared, holding my pocketbook.

  "You forgot this in your haste to leave the party," he said, setting it down on the table.

  "You're bad habits are rubbing off on me."

  "I thought maybe you were trying to lure me here." He took a spoon out of the drawer and sat down across from me.

  "Don't you need to get back to the party?"

  "Not my party."

  "Hmm."

  We ate in silence for a while. When it seemed like we were both done, I got up and started cleaning up the mess. Kyle helped and when we were finished we stood on opposite sides of the table staring at one another.

  "You should probably go," I said.

  "Why?"

  Because I don't know if I will be able to say no.

  "It's late."

  "Never stopped you before."

  I couldn't think of another excuse, so I just stood there looking at everything but him.

  "Tell me you don't want me in your life and I will leave."

  I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off with "And you have to mean it."

  I closed my mouth. I opened it again, sputtered out a few words, but not enough to say what I really should say and have this done and over.

  "That's what I thought," he said, walking around the table.

  I moved away in the opposite direction. We circled the table until I ended up where he had been standing and vice versa.

  "Why are you running from me?" He asked in a quiet voice.

  "I...I..."

  Damn it.

  "Stay where you are," Kyle said firmly.

  I obeyed and watched with apprehension as he walked around the table. I seized up when he reached for me, and my feet dragged when he tried to make me close the distance between us. Roughly, he pulled me to him, but my arms stayed limp at my sides.

  "No more of this just friends shit," he said, tilting my head back. "There's nothing platonic between us."

  Just before his lips touched mine, I hurriedly said "But this is wrong!"

  "Yeah, but it feels right."

  Maybe that was true. Mentally and morally speaking, it was so very wrong, but when we were together it felt so right. But that didn't mean I had to give in.

  "But Jess and Luke..." I said as his lips neared mine again.

  "This isn't about them. Now shut up so I can kiss you." And he did.

  I didn't immediately kiss back. I just stood there stiffly. He pulled away and pulled my arms up and put them on his shoulders.

  "Hold on to me," he whispered before kissing me again.

  His tongue teased mine, daring me to kiss back. I tried my hardest not to kiss him, but his lips on mine was like dangling a steak in front of a hungry dog. Even a well-trained dog would only be able to stand it for so long before he devoured it.

  If I kissed back this time though, there would be no going back. I wasn't sure how this would end or with whom, or how many hearts would be broken. I was only sure of the way I was feeling at that moment, which is why I tightened my arms around his neck and kissed Kyle back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It's been a month since I kissed Kyle back that night, and I've been living a TLC song. I spent the majority of my time with Luke and I loved every minute of it, but I secretly couldn't wait to see Kyle. I felt guilty for stepping out on Luke, but I couldn't help myself. Kyle was a drug and I was the addict. Every time I would try to break it off with Kyle, he would somehow convince me not to, and maybe I didn't really want to, or I would have stuck to my guns.

  At work, I really tried to stay professional, but when I would find myself alone with Kyle in his office, I couldn't resist his advances. I would come out looking flustered, but my office mates attributed it to Kyle's remaining ability to occasionally be a big dick.

  At least three times a week, Kyle and I would see each other outside of work. We even started going on real dates - way out of the way, of course, where we were unlikely to run into anyone we knew.

  Our biggest obstacles were Jessyca and Luke. Kyle's situation was more complicated than my own. I know we aren't living in the 1500's and this isn't a country that practices arranged marriages, but in essence, that is what it is. Jessyca sat on a fortune, as did Kyle, and both of their families owned or had a big stake in very successful and lucrative businesses. Bringing the two families together made it appear the two businesses were together, or have a big chance of coming together. Somehow that translated into more money for both, and sometimes, as in the case of Kyle's parents, the two businesses actually do merge.

  While I work for Sterling Corporation, I don't pretend to understand all of that shit I just told you. I just take Kyle's word for it. The bottom line is that he was expected to marry Jess for those reasons, and until he found another way to appease his dad, Jessyca's dad and a bunch of other people things would remain the same.

  I didn't just accept this. It wasn't okay with me. In that fourth week of our new "relationship" it spurned a pretty heated argument.

  "So, eventually you will propose." I said rather unkindly.

  We were in Baltimore for the day, strolling through the aquarium, one of my favorite places. I had always known that his relationship with Jess was more business than love, but I had asked for more explicit details regarding the situation because I was already gr
owing tired of being sneaky. He had just given me the run down.

  "I didn't say that. I said that it is expected of me."

  "What happens if you just break up with her?"

  "You've asked me that before," he said, looking down at the floor.

  "You haven't given me a straight answer."

  He hesitated, bit down on his bottom lip like he was thinking.

  "My father will disown me and find some reason to fire me."

  "Is that all?" I almost laughed. "You'd have to go earn a living like a normal person?"

  "It's not just that," he looked at me cautiously.

  "What else is there?"

  "Jess has possession of...some pretty sensitive information."

  "Regarding what?"

  "Regarding Sterling Corp and some of its' business associates."

  "Sounds like a lot of trouble. I hope it's not an Enron situation."

  "No, but if the information came to light at the wrong time, a lot of shit will go down that no one is prepared to deal with."

  "So, Jess is blackmailing you into staying with her?"

  "Not exactly. She doesn't know that I know."

  I sighed extra loud. "So much drama. How long do you expect to have to play along?"

  "I don't know. I can't give you a time frame. Just know that I'm working on it."

  "This is ridiculous," I huffed. "I wish I understood the circumstances before I 'committed' to this dysfunctional relationship."

  "I gave you an opportunity to back out," he argued.

  It was true. That night, after literally sweeping me off of my feet kissing me and whispering sweet things in my ear, he asked while we were having sex on the kitchen table.

  "I've been pretty pushy about this," he had said. "If you want to back out, I'll respect that."

  Now at the aquarium, I said "You presented that opportunity while we were sexing on the kitchen table! You can't ask me that during an orgasm!"

  A mother with three small children gave me a look so dirty I felt like I should wash my mouth out with soap. I apologized and led Kyle away from the cluster fuck of families we were in.

  "What do you want me to say, Em?" He threw his hands up.