Accidentally on Purpose Read online

  I deflated, my anger floated away.

  "N-n-nothing," I stammered. I was on the verge of wailing, but bit my lip to keep it back. "Sorry I jumped on you like that. I'm...." I started towards the door. "I'm going to go."

  Luke followed me out of the room, calling my name.

  "Nice to meet you, Claire," I said absently. I went out the front door, forgetting my sneaks.

  "I'll be right back," I heard Luke say.

  "Emmy," Luke got in front of me and stopped me.

  "God! Everything SUCKS!" I yelled.

  The Lab in the next yard, Pepper, answered with barking and whining and a few kids playing in the street looked over at us. Even Luke looked at me with apprehension.

  "Give me an hour or so and I'll come pick you up from home," Luke said.

  "I don't want to go home," I grumble. "My mother is there."

  "Okay then stay here."

  "I don't want to stay here with Claire."

  Luke put his hands together in front of him, like he was trying not to flip out.

  "Emmy," he said with controlled quietness. "Go do what you have to do to get yourself together. I will call you soon."

  I sighed noisily and got into my car. It wasn't until I was a couple of miles away that I remembered my sneakers.

  An hour later my cell rang. I dug it out of my pocket and answered.

  "Where are you?" Luke asked.

  "At McDonalds. Eating the entire menu."

  "I have your shoes. Why don't you come get them?" His tone was light, almost playful.

  "Is Claire gone?"

  "Yes."

  "Why did it take you an hour to get rid of her?"

  "Actually, you kind of got rid of her, and she left fifteen minutes after you. I was outside washing your sneaks."

  "Sorry and thank you."

  "Come home," he softly commanded.

  I finished my fries and milkshake and drove back to Luke's. He was waiting for me at the door.

  "In a few minutes, I'm going to take you to the bedroom and make you scream my name," he said as he closed and locked the door.

  It wasn't really what I expected to hear. I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't screaming orgasms.

  "But first," he continued. "I dated Claire years ago. Nothing was going on when you came in today. We were just talking."

  "You were cozy," I blurted out.

  "Yeah, we were cozy, but nothing more. I would never hurt you like that."

  The way he said that made me believe that he thought that I could hurt him like that, and he wouldn't be wrong. I felt like a douche puddle.

  "There are some things in our relationship that need to be fixed," he said carefully. "I'll do my part, but you have to do your part, too, Emmy."

  "Okay."

  I was confused. Sometimes I thought that Luke knew more than what he was saying about Kyle, but then I thought there was no way that he would just stand aside and let some other guy do as he wished to his woman. There's no way he would stand for my divided heart. I believed that maybe whatever vibe I was giving off was the culprit. Maybe it was my own guilt surfacing on my face that registered in his mind and not some other solid fact. After all, I had been very careful with Kyle.

  For me to do my part, Kyle had to go, but before I could begin to think of how to do that, Luke scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bedroom. My screaming orgasms overshadowed any thoughts of Kyle.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  As summer neared its end, my parents started discussing their travel plans back to Louisiana. My mom harassed me about getting married, and gave me ridiculous suggestions on how to accomplish it. I couldn't tell her I wasn't in any position to accept anyone's proposal. My dad reminded me that I didn't have to go anywhere if I didn't want to, but said he may not spend the whole summer in Jersey next year.

  "It's not that I don't want to be with my favorite girl," he explained one morning. "But I am old, and I want to spend time with my grandkids and great grandkids while I still have time."

  It made me sad to remember that my dad was getting older, and I felt bad for keeping him away from the rest of the family. I told myself that I would have to make a bigger effort to go back to Louisiana more often. Their life down there was important to them and I shouldn't negate that.

  ***

  Luke and I had made plans to go to Wildwood on Labor Day. I was excited about stuffing my face with boardwalk fries, Scotto's pizza, funnel cake, enormous pretzels and salt water taffy. I couldn't wait to get on a few rides, play a few games, and to whip him at mini golf. I was even more excited just to spend the day with him. While things had not necessarily improved, they had not worsened.

  I drove over early that morning. I was going to drag him from bed if I had to. I let myself in and headed towards the bedroom, but a slight noise from the kitchen caught my attention. I found him already dressed, leaning against the kitchen counter. My happiness and excitement instantly began to fade. The look on his face was serious, dead serious.

  "Lena's not doing as well as we had hoped," he said so quietly that it unnerved me.

  "I'm sorry," I said, unsure whether or not to reach for him.

  "I'm going to leave sooner than I planned."

  "How soon?" My heart began to race because I knew which conversation was about to take place, even though I had put it off for the entire summer.

  "Next week. By the end of next week." He was speaking so stiffly to me that I took a step backward without thinking about it. "I've decided I don't want you to come with me."

  I swallowed hard and offered the smallest of smiles. "I understand. You have a lot going on with your sister and family."

  "This isn't about my family, it's about you. I don't want you."

  Even though I knew I didn't deserve him, it was still harsh. My smile instantly vanished and I took another involuntary step back.

  "I thought if I gave you some time, you would make a decision," he started in a firm voice, but I could hear the anger and hurting behind it. "I thought you would stop stringing me along as a backup and really commit, but you haven't. You're still seeing Kyle."

  I closed my eyes, dizzied and stunned and scared. I didn't give Luke any credit. I totally took him for a fool, but all along he could see right through me.

  I didn't have a defense and I didn't think he wanted to hear my apologies yet, so I stayed quiet, head hung in shame, tears tickling my eyes and waited for him to berate me - rightfully so.

  "I'm not sure which part bothers me the most, the fact that you've been lying for months or the fact that you thought I was too simple minded to see what was going on. I can't count how many times you've lied about where you were or who you were with, or the times that you climbed into my bed still reeking of him. How many times have I kissed you and your mind was with him? I've given you opportunity after opportunity to come clean, but you never did."

  He made an exasperated sound and paced the floor for a moment and stopped inches from me.

  "At least give me the courtesy of looking in my fucking face while I am talking," he said so quietly, it was terrifying.

  I slowly raised my head and looked at his face. He looked so damn angry, so damn hurt.

  "I looked like the biggest idiot at work, committing myself to the girl who was obviously fucking Kyle Sterling."

  My mouth hung open, and I started to ask what he meant, but the look on his face suggested I stay quiet.

  "Everyone knows, Emmy. Despite your sneaking around, people still know. You both think everyone else is too inferior and dumb to figure it out."

  I shook my head, denying what he was saying. There was no way people could know. We took great precautions, didn't we?

  "Don't you fucking shake your head," he grumbled through gritted teeth and pointed in my face. I backed up, but he just kept closing the gap until I was against the wall.

  "You're more upset that everyone else knows than you are about me knowing!"

  When he yelled
, I jumped, hitting my head on the wall.

  "No, that's not true," I argued, wiping at my tears.

  "Like I can believe anything you say now!"

  "I'm so sorry,"

  "Maybe you are, but I don't forgive you. I can't even forgive myself for falling in love with you, knowing that you were Kyle's whore." He said the last word with such vehemence, I thought he must have injured his tongue in the process.

  Luke was one of the most mild mannered people I knew. Even though he was in the right, his current state was something to fear. Looking in his eyes, I could see the absolute fury and pain swimming around. Just as I began to think it was time for me to go, Luke's fist landed in the drywall next to my head as he let out a scream of anger. I, too screamed, shocked, and afraid he would hit me, but instead he backed up. His hand was bloody, but he didn't seem to notice.

  "Luke, your hand!" I reached for him, but he pulled away. "Let me at least help you take care of your hand," I insisted. I approached again, cautiously, and this time he let me take a careful hold of his injured hand.

  Silently, he allowed me to clean and bandage his hand, staring at me the whole time. When I finished, I was reluctant to let go, and dared to lightly touch his wrist.

  "I didn't know how to let go of either one of you," I whispered.

  "Fortunately for you, I made that decision for you," he said, still angry, but now I could definitely detect sadness.

  I felt like such an asshole. I didn't feel like I deserved to really cry, but I could not stop myself. The floodgates broke and I was trying to stay standing, as my whole body just went weak.

  I gently released Luke's hand and started to turn away, but he caught me with his good hand and pulled me into a teary, desperate, heart breaking kiss. When he broke it off, he held my face in his hands, wiping away tears with his thumbs. He had tears of his own, but I was afraid to touch him again.

  "Listen to me," he said. "I don't ever want to see you after today. Don't call me, don't text me, don't email me. Whatever relationships you were building with my family, it's done. They've already cut you off at my request.

  "I love you, Emmy, but you fucking broke my heart. I know I am part to blame, I know, but..." He paused, stared at me really hard. "I hope Kyle Sterling rips your heart out of your chest and makes you choke on it."

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The week after Labor Day always marks the beginning of a very busy period at Sterling Corp. I can't pretend to understand the logistics of why that is, I just know that my work load builds up quickly, so that by the time Halloween arrives, I have triple the work I would normally have. Usually, I shut up and take the work and Kyle's bullshit and fight my way to the finish line (with plenty of alcohol in between), but this year I wasn't really feeling it.

  "I need an assistant," I told Kyle one morning, handing him his coffee and a stack of files.

  "Use Eliza," he said, not even looking up at me.

  "Eliza has enough work to do for Jerk-Off Jeoff. You have to hire someone new, just to assist me."

  "You usually do pretty well on your own." He wasn't even paying attention to me really. He was blowing me off.

  "Kyle, can you please pay attention?"

  "I'm listening,"

  I wanted to throw his coffee in his face.

  "I need an assistant," I repeated, sighing.

  Finally, he looked up at me, perplexed.

  "Why again?"

  "Because I am only one person with the work load of six people."

  "But you always..."

  "I know what I always do!" I snapped. "But not this time." I shook my head and sighed.

  It dawned on him, finally. I could tell by the irritated expression on his face.

  "You have to stay focused, Emmy. You can't keep thinking about him and what happened or what could have been."

  "Focused or not, I'm always overwhelmed. Every year. This year is one of the busiest I've ever seen and it's only the last week of September. You know what my work load is like without a busy season added in," I argued. "I need help, and I need a new person. We can't spare anyone else."

  Kyle looked at me for a long time before speaking.

  "Okay," he relented. "I'll sign off on hiring up to three new people on a temporary basis and if productivity rises we will keep them. If nothing changes, they're out."

  "Thanks," I turned to leave.

  "Em," he called. "Come back here a minute. Why don't you look satisfied?"

  "I am," I said, not convincingly.

  "You're not," he said quietly. "Maybe we need a getaway?"

  I glanced over my shoulder to see if anyone was milling around close enough to hear. Ever since Luke told me that everyone knew, I've been extra careful not to be caught in any compromising positions, or conversations.

  "We're too busy," I said.

  "Yeah, but we're not as busy as we will be in a month. Let's go now while we can."

  "To where?"

  "Mexico?"

  "No. Too far."

  "Nowhere is too far when we can fly."

  "We don't have to go anywhere," I shrugged.

  "Yes, we do."

  "How about Miami?"

  "Why Miami?"

  "I have a friend down there, kind of."

  "Kind of?"

  "He used to hang out with my cousin, Tabby, dated her best friend for a long time. I ran into him in the summer while he was visiting."

  "Oh," he leaned back in his seat. "You've never mentioned him before."

  "Wasn't worth mentioning before," I rolled my eyes at his jealousy, which was so hypocritical.

  "If that's where you want to go, we'll go."

  "It is."

  "I'll make reservations."

  "Good. Talk to you later. Send May an email, please. Now."

  "Yep."

  I felt a little better, knowing I'd have Kyle all to myself for a couple of days, but honestly, I was more excited about hiring new people.

  I bypassed my desk and took the walk to the HR department. My cousin Mayson worked there, a job she obtained by my recommendation a couple of years back. I found her at her desk, seriously enjoying a chocolate bar. Even though she was...curvy, or full figured, I, nor anyone else in our family ever mentioned her junk food habits. At least she was eating, unlike when she was younger...those were some dark and scary years.

  "Dickhead just emailed me," she said, barely glancing up. "Write out what you want the ad to say and I'll post it in the three big papers."

  "I don't want it posted in all of the papers. Can't you just post it on the company site? I don't have time to weed through all of those resumes."

  "Yeah, okay. Whatever. I'm so glad to put my PR degree to good use for you."

  "At least you have a job. Shut up."

  She started to slowly spin in her chair while I wrote out what I wanted the ad to say.

  "Tell your mother to stop calling me," Mayson said.

  "That would require me talking to her and I don't want to talk to her."

  "She keeps trying to give me sex tips for the sex I'm so not having. She should be giving you the sex tips."

  "Trust me, she does."

  "How is he in bed?" She stopped spinning and stared at me questioningly.

  I stared back at her. "Do you really want to know?"

  "No," she made a sour face. "My stomach is churning just thinking about it."

  Mayson, much like I did at one time, hated Kyle with a passion. She knew about our relationship, but not through the grapevine like everyone else. She actually caught us making out. May rarely dropped by unannounced, but she was literally in my neighborhood. Kyle and I were standing in the kitchen, totally tongue tied to each other, when I heard a shriek, startling us apart.

  "Oh...my...god!" Mayson had yelled. "Not him!"

  "What are you doing here?" I cried.

  "I was in the neighborhood!"

  "You can't tell anyone, Mayson," I plead.

  "I would never tell anyone your per
sonal business, Emmy," she was hurt by my command. I knew she could be trusted, but I had said it in a panic.

  "I know, I know." I took a long, deep breath.

  "But Kyle Sterling is a dick."

  "Is this a genetic thing?" Kyle asked, with a smirk. "Is it in your DNA to hate me?"

  "No, but hating you is so easy since you're such a dirty penis head," Mayson huffed.

  "Mayson," I took her by the elbow, leading her away. "Maybe it's not wise to call one of the owners of the business you work for a dick."

  "A dirty penis head," she corrected. "It's probably not wise to screw your boss either."

  "I have no defense for that," I sighed.

  "What about Luke?" She whispered.

  "Can we talk about it later?" I had asked.

  But we never did talk about it, and after Luke left I gave her the bare minimum of details. My pain was obvious, though; so she never bugged me about it.

  "Here," I handed her the piece of paper for the ad. "I only want this listed until Saturday."

  "Okay. So what are you doing this weekend? Working, no doubt. Workaholic."

  "DH convinced me to go away for the weekend."

  "What for?"

  "I guess he thinks it will cheer me up."

  "Sounds like he's trying to make you forget about Luke."

  I didn't say anything to that. What could I say? She was most likely right.

  We talked a little more about mundane things, but I insisted that I get back to work and left Mayson spinning in her chair.

  The rest of the week was uneventful. I was busy with work and Kyle was busy with work and of course obligations to that bitch Jess. Outside of work, we only saw each other for a few minutes a day, long enough for an embrace and a short kiss.

  Our flight for Miami left at four-thirty Friday afternoon. Kyle had a fake business meeting at three and I had a fake doctor's appointment at one-thirty. I really had no one to explain my whereabouts for the weekend; Kyle, however, had to come up with an elaborate excuse for Jess and his parents.

  "I know it's not a long time," Kyle said later that night at a bar near our hotel. "But hopefully you unwind a little this weekend."

  "I didn't realize I was wound up," I said before downing my third drink. I motioned to the bartender to bring me another.